The Class Picture Day from the Black Lagoon (Black Lagoon Adventures series Book 22) Read online

  ®

  THE

  CLASS PICTURE DAY

  BLACK LAGOON

  FROM THE

  Get more monster-sized laughs from

  #1: The Class Trip from the Black Lagoon

  #2: The Talent Show from the Black Lagoon

  #3: The Class Election from the Black Lagoon

  #4: The Science Fair from the Black Lagoon

  #5: The Halloween Party from the Black Lagoon

  #6: The Field Day from the Black Lagoon

  #7: The School Carnival from the Black Lagoon

  #8: Valentine’s Day from the Black Lagoon

  #9: The Christmas Party from the Black Lagoon

  #10: The Little League Team from the Black Lagoon

  #11: The Snow Day from the Black Lagoon

  #12: April Fools’ Day from the Black Lagoon

  #13: Back-to-School Fright from the Black Lagoon

  #14: The New Year’s Eve Sleepover from the Black Lagoon

  #15: The Spring Dance from the Black Lagoon

  #16: The Thanksgiving Day from the Black Lagoon

  #17: The Summer Vacation from the Black Lagoon

  #18: The Author Visit from the Black Lagoon

  #19: St. Patrick’s Day from the Black Lagoon

  #20: The School Play from the Black Lagoon

  #21: The 100th Day of School from the Black Lagoon

  The Black Lagoon

  ®

  by Mike Thaler

  Illustrated by Jared Lee

  SCHOLASTIC INC.

  ®

  CLASS PICTURE DAY

  BLACK LAGOON

  THE

  FROM THE

  For Judi and Susan:

  above and beyond

  —M.T.

  To Johnnie and Carol Wolfe

  —J.L.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright

  Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted,

  downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into

  any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means,

  whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without

  the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding

  permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department,

  557 Broadway, New York, NY 10012.

  e-ISBN 978-0-545-50712-7

  Text copyright © 2012 by Mike Thaler

  Illustrations copyright © 2012 by Jared D. Lee Studio, Inc.

  All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc.

  SCHOLASTIC and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered trademarks

  of Scholastic Inc. BLACK LAGOON is a registered trademark of Mike Thaler and

  Jared D. Lee Studio, Inc. All rights reserved. Lexile is a registered trademark

  of MetaMetrics, Inc.

  First printing, October 2012

  Contents

  Chapter 1: As Pretty as a Picture .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7

  Chapter 2: What’s Wrong with This Picture? . . . . . 10

  Chapter 3: Mirror, Mirror . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

  Chapter 4: The Time Machine . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . 17

  Chapter 5: Beauty and the Beast . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .20

  Chapter 6: A Thousand Words . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 25

  Chapter 7: Feature Presentation . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28

  Chapter 8: Who Nose? . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31

  Chapter 9: Taking Sides . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . 34

  Chapter 10: Do’s and Donuts . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38

  Chapter 11: Six Pics . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

  Chapter 12: Clothes Make the Man . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . 44

  Chapter 13: Beauty Rest . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 47

  Chapter 14: A Hair-Raising Experience . . . . . . . . . . . . . 50

  Chapter 15: Picture Perfect . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. 54

  Chapter 16: A Snappy Shot . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . 57

  Chapter 17: Hold That Pose! . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 63

  7

  CHAPTER 1

  As Pretty as a

  Picture

  Mrs. Green says that this

  Friday is class picture day. I don’t

  look good in photos—I’m better

  in person. But she says we all

  have to have our picture taken.

  Well, if we have to . . . I want to

  look my very best. Actually, even

  better than my best.

  I want to look great! A

  handsome heroic Hubie hunk.

  I need a miracle by Friday.

  That’s only three days away. I

  better start combing my hair

  now.

  8

  CHAPTER 2

  what’s wrong with

  this Picture?

  On the bus home everyone’s

  combing their hair. The whole

  class is so vain. All they care

  about is how they look.

  10

  It’s only a picture, and beauty

  is only skin-deep. Boy, I hope I’ve

  got thick skin.

  11

  12

  CHAPTER 3

  mirror, mirror

  When I get home, I go straight

  to the bathroom mirror and lock

  the door. There it is, looking at

  me . . . my face. I smile, but it

  looks like I have to throw up. I

  need more practice.

  There are different kinds of

  smiles:

  There’s the show-all-your-teeth

  hyena smile.

  No!

  There’s the nuts-in-your-cheeks

  chipmunk smile.

  No!

  13

  There’s the “I don’t care”

  nonchalant casual cool lips-tight

  smile.

  No!

  There’s the “I know something

  you don’t know”sly-snake smile.

  No!

  14

  There’s the “I’m sorry”

  elephant smile, and the “I haven’t

  got a clue” hippo smile.

  Mom knocks on the door.

  “Hubie, what are you doing in

  there?”

  “Smiling, Mom.”

  15

  It’s quiet for a minute.

  “Smiling at what?” she finally

  asks.

  I open the door.“For the school

  picture.” I smile again.

  That’s it!

  The smiling-at-Mom smile.

  16

  CHAPTER 4

  The Time machine

  “What’s the big deal, Hubie?

  Just be yourself, be natural,” says

  Mom.

  “I don’t know what natural is

  for me,” I say.

  17

  18

  “You’re a very handsome

  young man . . . just be yourself.”

  “That’s easy for you to say,

  Mom. You never had to have your

  picture taken at school.”

  Mom gets up and come
s back

  with a photo album.

  “Oh, but I did,” she says,

  opening to the first page.

  And there, smiling at me, was

  my mom in the third grade.

  It’s amazing—my mom was

  once a kid!

  CHAPTER 5

  Beauty and the

  beast

  That was interesting, but I’m

  still stuck with the same problem.

  I find an article in one of Mom’s

  magazines called “10 Days to a

  More Beautiful You.”I only have

  two days—I better get started.

  20

  Step 1. The mud pack.

  No problem.

  I go to the backyard. There’s

  a lot of mud. I put it on my face.

  Hey, this is going to be easy!

  Step 2. The cucumber facial.

  I go to the fridge. I can’t find

  a cucumber, but I find a jar with

  one pickle left. Close enough.

  I cut it into thin slices and put

  them all over my face. They stick

  to the mud. Tailspin sees me and

  runs out of the room.

  22

  Step 3. The hairnet.

  I find Mom and ask her if I can

  borrow her hairnet. She screams!

  “Is that you, Hubie? What are

  you doing?”

  I show her the magazine article.

  “Mom, I’m only on step two.”

  “Well, step to the bathroom and

  wash your face,” she says.

  23

  “But, Mom, I only have two

  days to become a more beautiful

  me.”

  “Young man, you only have

  two minutes to wash your face

  and come to dinner.”

  24

  CHAPTER 6

  a thousand words

  At dinner, I practice my smile.

  “Please pass the cheese, please.”

  “You’re acting very strange,

  Hubie,” Mom says, passing the

  cheese.

  “Do not freeze the fleas in the

  cheese.”

  25

  “Hubie, do you have a fever?”

  Mom asks.

  “I’m practicing my smile. I’m

  doing smile exercises. The trees

  have knees that wheeze in the

  breeze.”

  “Hubie!”

  “Hey, Mom, would you like

  some pickles?”

  “Are those the ones that were

  on your face?”

  “It’s okay . . . I washed ’em.” I

  smile.

  26

  27

  CHAPTER 7

  feature

  presentation

  After dinner, I look in another

  magazine.

  One article says to“find your

  best feature and feature it!”

  I look in the mirror. My nose—

  definitely, my nose is my best

  feature.

  28

  29

  30

  CHAPTER 8

  who nose?

  That night I have a dream. I’m

  a clown in the circus. I have a big

  red nose. But suddenly it flies

  away and lands on the fat lady.I

  try to catch it, but it flies to the

  thin man. I run after it, but it

  moves on to the strong man.

  31

  Next, it goes to the lion tamer,

  and then on to the lion. I try to

  catch it with a butterfly net, but

  it lands on the elephant. I sit

  down and cry, but it’s hard to

  cry without a nose. It flies down

  and lands on me and the circus

  goes on. I wake up and look in

  the mirror.

  32

  My nose is still there, all right.

  But there’s a big red pimple right

  on the end of it!

  33

  CHAPTER 9

  taking sides

  On the school bus, everyone

  is smiling—practicing, I guess.

  Who am I kidding? They’re all

  looking at the end of my nose.

  They’re all staring at it.

  “My right side’s my best side.”

  Eric smiles. “What’s yours?”

  Oh, no, I never picked my best

  side.

  “The back of my head?” I ask.

  “No,” says Eric.

  “What do you think?” I ask,

  turning my head from

  side to side.

  “Neither!” he says.

  34

  I stop smiling.

  “Just kidding,” says Eric.

  “They’re both totally awesome.

  What do you think, Doris?”

  She looks at me hard.

  “The inside,” she says.

  Now there’s a girl with heart.

  We take a vote and it’s a tie. I

  guess that’s good—it’s the middle

  that’s the problem.

  36

  37

  CHAPTER 10

  do’s and donuts

  In class, Mrs. Green gives us a

  list of picture-day do’s and don’ts.

  Don’t:

  1. Pick your nose

  2. Cross your eyes

  3. Chew gum

  4. Blink

  5. Wink

  6. Smirk

  7. Jerk

  8. Stick out your tongue

  9. Frown

  10. And absolutely no

  rabbit ears

  38

  Eric raises his hand.

  “Yes, Eric?” Mrs. Green says.

  “What if you’re a rabbit?” He

  giggles.

  39

  Mrs. Green clears her throat

  and continues.

  Do:

  1. Put your hands at your

  sides

  2. Face the camera

  3. Say “Cheese”

  At lunch, everyone has a

  cheeseburger.

  We all said “Cheese!” We were

  practicing.

  40

  41

  CHAPTER 11

  six pics

  That afternoon, the class is

  wheeling and dealing! Everyone

  is making deals like “I’ll give you

  my picture if you give me yours.”

  42

  I’ve got orders for six pictures.

  Randy’s not smiling.

  “What’s the matter?” I ask.

  “Nobody wants my picture,”

  he says.

  “I want your picture.” I say,

  smiling. “In fact, I’ll take six of

  them.”

  Sometimes it’s so easy to make

  someone happy.

  43

  CHAPTER 12

  clothes make the

  man

  Tomorrow’s the big day.I spend

  the whole afternoon picking out

  my wardrobe. I wonder why they

  don’t call it a peacedrobe. Maybe

  it’s because you have to fight for

  what you want to wear.

  44

  Freddy says not to wear stripes

  ’cause they make you look bigger.

  Derek says not to wear yellow

  ’cause it makes you look pale.

  Eric says he’s going to put a

  hat in front of his face like the

  gangsters do. He’s kidding . . . I

  think.

  45

  Mom says to wear a tie. I’d

  rather die than wear a tie. So

  much for peace! We call a truce—
r />   I’ll wear a belt.

  My wardrobe is all laid out. I

  even cleaned my sneakers in the

  dishwasher.

  46

  CHAPTER 13

  beauty rest

  I go to bed early to get my

  beauty rest. I don’t want bags

  under my eyes.

  I keep going over my possible

  poses: bold, heroic, Mr.America,

  sympathetic, intense, dramatic,

  serious, confident, relaxed, laid-

  back, nonchalant . . . Finally,I fall

  asleep.

  47

  I’m a famous movie star.

  Everyone wants my picture. The

  cameras don’t stop flashing.

  People take pictures of me all day.

  I smile so much my teeth hurt.

  48

  When I go swimming, they

  use underwater cameras. When I

  jump up in the air, they use aerial

  photography. They even take

  pictures while I’m asleep.

  There goes a flash now! I open

  my eyes, but it’s only the sun

  coming in the window. It’s picture

  day!

  49

  CHAPTER 14

  a hair-raising

  experience

  I get out of bed and go to the

  mirror. Uh-oh, it’s a bad hair day.

  Nothing I do holds it down. I

  should have worn a hairnet.

  Oh, no! There’s still a pimple

  on the end of my nose.

  This is going to be a disaster. I’ll

  be immortalized as a mess. What

  will future generations think?

  50

  “I bet that kid broke the

  camera,” they’ll say, laughing.

  Well, at least my teeth will be