The Author Visit from the Black Lagoon (Black Lagoon Adventures series Book 18) Read online

  THE

  AUTHOR VISIT

  FROM THE

  BLACK LAGOON

  ®

  Get more monster-sized laughs from

  ®

  #1: The Class Trip from the Black Lagoon

  #2: The Talent Show from the Black Lagoon

  #3: The Class Election from the Black Lagoon

  #4: The Science Fair from the Black Lagoon

  #5: The Halloween Party from the Black Lagoon

  #6: The Field Day from the Black Lagoon

  #7: The School Carnival from the Black Lagoon

  #8: Valentine’s Day from the Black Lagoon

  #9: The Christmas Party from the Black Lagoon

  #10: The Little League Team from the Black Lagoon

  #11: The Snow Day from the Black Lagoon

  #12: April Fools’ Day from the Black Lagoon

  #13: Back-to-School Fright from the Black Lagoon

  #14: The New Year’s Eve Sleepover from the Black Lagoon

  #15: The Spring Dance from the Black Lagoon

  #16: The Thanksgiving Day from the Black Lagoon

  #17: The Summer Vacation from the Black Lagoon

  The Black Lagoon

  by Mike Thaler

  Illustrated by Jared Lee

  SCHOLASTIC INC.

  New York Toronto London Auckland

  Sydney Mexico City New Delhi Hong Kong

  THE

  AUTHOR VISIT

  FROM THE

  BLACK LAGOON

  ®

  To authors of all ages

  —M.T.

  To Peggy Sheets

  —J.L.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright

  Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted,

  downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into

  any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means,

  whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without

  the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding

  permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557

  Broadway, New York, NY 10012.

  e-ISBN 978-0-545-37565-8

  Text copyright © 2010 by Mike Thaler

  Illustrations copyright © 2010 by Jared D. Lee Studio, Inc.

  All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc.

  SCHOLASTIC, LITTLE APPLE, and associated logos are trademarks and/or

  registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc. BLACK LAGOON is a registered

  trademark of Mike Thaler and Jared D. Lee Studio, Inc. All rights reserved.

  Lexile is a registered trademark of MetaMetrics, Inc.

  First printing, November 2010

  Contents

  Chapter 1: Booking an Author . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .6

  Chapter 2: Checking Them Out . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

  Chapter 3: Destination Imagination . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

  Chapter 4: I Love a Parade . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

  Chapter 5: Ready to Read . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30

  Chapter 6: Footnotes . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 38

  Chapter 7: Getting Ready . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 42

  Chapter 8: Greetings . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

  Chapter 9: Bad Press . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 48

  Chapter 10: Just Right . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 54

  Chapter 11: Straight from the Author’s Mouth . . . . . 58

  CHAPTER 1

  booking an author

  A real live author is going

  to come to our school. I guess

  that’s better than having a real

  dead one. There are so many to

  choose from. There are tons of

  good books.

  6

  7

  Mrs. Green says that if all the

  good books were put end to end,

  you could read all the way to the

  moon and back. You’d really be

  spaced-out.

  Eric says that if you put all the

  authors end to end they’d look

  pretty silly.

  I’m on the author selection

  committee with Eric, Derek,

  Penny, Randy, Freddy, and

  Doris. Freddy wants to invite a

  cookbook author. Penny and

  Doris are pushing for a girls’

  book author. “

  Cute

  little kittens,

  sweet

  little horsies, and

  princess

  ballerinas” . . . pink, pink, pink.

  8

  9

  Eric, Derek, and I are holding

  out for a monster book author like

  Gravely Stone, Reggy Mortis, or

  Dinah Sore.

  10

  11

  Randy says authors with two

  initials in their names are better

  writers than ones without any.

  “Like who?” asks Eric.

  “J.K. Rowling, E. B. White, and

  C. S. Lewis,” answers Randy.

  “That’s silly,” says Penny.

  “There are great writers with no

  initials.”

  12

  “Like who?” snickers Randy.

  “Like Shakespeare, Tolstoy,

  and Homer,” says Penny.

  “There’s even a great writer

  with no name,” I say.

  “Who?” says everybody.

  “Annie Nonymous.” I smile.

  13

  Our librarian, Mrs. Beamster,

  would like Mr. Webster, the guy

  who wrote the dictionary. And

  Mrs. Green wants a Blueberry

  Award winner.

  14

  We can’t please everybody,

  so we finally decide on Penny

  Inkblot. I’ve never read any of

  her books, but now I’ll have to. In

  fact, everyone in school will, too.

  15

  CHAPTER 2

  checking them out

  We ask Mrs. Beamster about

  writers.

  She smiles.

  “There are lots of good writers.

  They stretch like a mountain

  range throughout history. Some

  of the peaks are William Shake-A-

  Spear, who wrote plays, Charles

  Dickens, who wrote novels, and

  William Butler Yeats, who wrote

  poetry.”

  16

  “Are any of them alive?” I ask.

  “They’re all alive when you

  open the pages of their books,”

  answers Mrs. Beamster.

  “Do they do school visits?” I

  ask.

  “Not anymore,” says Mrs.

  Beamster.

  17

  “Have you ever heard of Penny

  Inkblot?” asks Penny.

  “She’s a terrific writer,”

  answers Mrs. Beamster.

  “Do you have any of her

  books?” I ask.

  18

  “Lots, but they’re all checked

  out.”

  “Bummer!” But it’s not too bad

  because now Mom will take me

 
to the bookstore tonight.

  19

  CHAPTER 3

  Destination

  Imagination

  After school, Eric and I have a

  deep conversation.

  “I’d like to be an author when I

  grow up,” I say.

  “I’d like to be an astronaut,”

  says Eric.

  “Why?” I ask.

  20

  “When you’re an astronaut, you

  get to travel to other worlds. Why

  do you want to be a writer?”

  21

  “When you’re a writer, you get

  to create other worlds.”

  “For instance?” asks Eric.

  “For instance, Middle-earth,

  Wonderland, Oz, and Hogwarts.” I

  answer.

  “You mean those places

  aren’t

  real?”

  22

  “They’re all real in our

  imaginations.”

  “How about Treasure Island?”

  “Imagination,” I smile.

  “You mean I can’t fly there on

  vacation?”

  “Sure you can . . . in a book.”

  23

  CHAPTER 4

  I love a parade

  After dinner, Mom takes me to

  the bookstore. I love to browse.

  I walk up and down the aisles.

  Every book is waiting to tell me

  something. The covers are like

  carnival barkers shouting, “Open

  me, read me, and I’ll tell you

  wonderful things. I’ll make you

  laugh, I’ll make you cry, I can

  even make you fly.”

  24

  25

  I finally make it to Penny

  Inkblot’s books. All her titles

  sound cool:

  The Underwear-wolf

  ,

  Drac-cola

  ,

  Dinosaurs in Space

  ,

  You Can’t Chew Gum with Your

  Nose

  ,

  Fangenstein

  , and

  Zitwit

  .

  26

  It takes me until closing to

  choose. But as they’re shutting

  out the lights, I pick

  Drac-cola

  . I

  can’t wait to read it.

  28

  29

  CHAPTER 5

  ready to read

  I start reading in the van, even

  though I get a little dizzy. The

  book is about a vampire that

  drinks soda pop instead of blood.

  A vampire that drives a van would

  be called a

  vanpire

  . He breaks his

  fangs off biting into a cola can.

  All the other vampires make fun

  of him. They call him “deadhead”

  and “toothless ruthless.” It’s a

  biting satire.

  30

  31

  He reads about a new-fangled

  invention that might help, so his

  mom takes him to the dentist to

  get a set of false fangs. This is

  really a story you can sink your

  teeth into.

  32

  33

  That night I have a dream. . . .

  I’m a famous author. My book has

  won the Blueberry Award and

  I’ve been invited to Transylvania

  to talk at a night school. I go in

  and all the kids are vampires.

  It’s a holiday—

  Fangsgiving

  . I’m

  there for the whole vampire week:

  Moanday

  ,

  Toothday

  ,

  Veinsday

  ,

  Thirstday

  , and

  Frightday

  .

  34

  35

  My teeth start getting longer

  and longer till they touch my

  toes. I’m going batty. When I

  give my speech at the assembly,

  all the kids are coffin and flyin’

  around the auditorium. No one’s

  read my books and they’re all

  disappointed because they had

  asked for a dead author.

  I wake up in a sweat and go

  and check my teeth. They’re just

  regular size. “Phew!”

  36

  37

  CHAPTER 6

  footnotes

  In the morning on the school

  bus, everyone’s talking about the

  author visit. Eric says not to sit

  in the first three rows unless you

  have a raincoat or an umbrella.

  He says some authors spit when

  they speak. Derek says they love

  to talk about themselves.

  38

  “This is my dog. This is my cat.

  This is my coat. This is my hat.”

  And they bring pictures of

  everything they own. Randy

  says they write children’s books

  because they don’t know many

  words.

  39

  Penny says they’ve never really

  grown up themselves and are just

  big kids. Doris says they’re all

  rich and ride in limousines and

  live in mansions. Freddy heard

  they get a royalty, so they’re all

  kings and queens and they rule

  the nation of imagination.

  Penny says that’s silly—that

  they’re regular people just like

  us and we could be writers if we

  worked hard enough. I agree

  with Penny about that.

  40

  41

  CHAPTER 7

  getting ready

  After we’ve read all of Penny

  Inkblot’s books, we discuss

  them.

  I liked

  Dinosaurs in Space

  the

  best. It was about a prehistoric

  future. It gave me a lot to think

  about. What if prehistoric times

  haven’t happened yet? Or what

  if we find dinosaurs on other

  planets?

  42

  Derek liked

  The Underwear-

  wolf

  . He said it’s about a kid whose

  underwear gets hairy every full

  moon.

  Freddy chose

  You Can’t Chew

  Gum with Your Nose

  . He said

  he tried it and had to go to the

  emergency room.

  43

  Eric liked

  Fangenstein

  , cause

  you get two monsters for the

  price of one.

  Penny picked

  Zitwit.

  It’s a story

  about a very smart pimple that

  goes to college. It does very well,

  grows popular, and gets a swelled

  head when it’s picked to be class

  president.

  Next we all write our own

  stories and make our own book

  covers.

  Penny was right—we’re

  all

  authors.

  44

  45

  CHAPTER 8

  greetings

  The welcome banner is up, and

  tomorrow our author is coming.

  Penny and I are picked to greet

  her and be her guides. I was

  picked because I read the most

  books for read-a-thon, and Penny

  was picked beca
use her name is

  Penny.

  46

  We get to stay with the author

  all day. Even have lunch with her!

  I’m really excited. I can hardly

  wait to meet Penny Inkblot.

  47

  CHAPTER 9

  bad press

  That night I have another

  dream. Penny and I are standing

  in front of the school when

  a shadow covers the yard. A

  limousine as long as a train rolls

  up and stops. Penny Inkblot steps

  out. She’s wearing a crown, a fur

  coat, and diamonds on every

  finger.

  49

  We say hello and start to give

  our welcome poem, but she

  walks right by us and into the

  school. In the auditorium when

  I try to introduce her, she grabs

  the mike and starts to tell us all

  about herself.

  50

  She has pictures of her chair,

  her desk, and her mansion.

  Then she reads us all her newest

  masterpiece—

  The Phone Book

  .

  There are no pictures!

  She says she doesn’t sign books,

  but she has a rubber stamp and

  stamps our foreheads as we leave.

  I wake up bumping my head on the

  bedpost.

  52

  Today’s the day I was looking

  forward to. But now I’m not so

  sure.