The Back-to-School Fright from the Black Lagoon (Black Lagoon Adventures series Book 13) Read online

  O

  #13

  BY

  MIKE THALER •

  ILL

  USTRATED BY

  JARED LEE

  13

  •

  BACK-TO-SCHOOL FRIGHT

  BLACK LAGOON

  FROM THE

  BACK-TO-SCHOOL FRIGHT

  FROM THE

  BLACK LAGOON

  Get more monster-sized laughs from

  The Black Lagoon®

  #1: The Class Trip from the Black Lagoon

  #2: The Talent Show from the Black Lagoon

  #3: The Class Election from the Black Lagoon

  #4: The Science Fair from the Black Lagoon

  #5: The Halloween Party from the Black Lagoon

  #6: The Field Day from the Black Lagoon

  #7: The School Carnival from the Black Lagoon

  #8: Valentine’s Day from the Black Lagoon

  #9: The Christmas Party from the Black Lagoon

  #10: The Little League Team from the Black Lagoon

  #11: The Snow Day from the Black Lagoon

  #12: April Fools’ Day from the Black Lagoon

  #13: Back-to-School Fright from the Black Lagoon

  #14: The New Year’s Eve Sleepover from the Black Lagoon

  #15: The Spring Dance from the Black Lagoon

  #16: The Thanksgiving Day from the Black Lagoon

  #17: The Summer Vacation from the Black Lagoon

  #18: The Author Visit from the Black Lagoon

  #19: St. Patrick’s Day from the Black Lagoon

  #20: The School Play from the Black Lagoon

  #21: The 100

  th

  Day of School from the Black Lagoon

  #22: The Class Picture Day from the Black Lagoon

  #23: Earth Day from the Black Lagoon

  #24: The Summer Camp from the Black Lagoon

  #25: Friday the 13

  th

  from the Black Lagoon

  by Mike Thaler

  Illustrated by Jared Lee

  SCHOLASTIC INC.

  BACK-TO-SCHOOL FRIGHT

  FROM THE

  BLACK LAGOON

  To

  Gary & Chris Stubbs,

  Hearts always open

  —M.T.

  To Roger and Jenny Schinbeckler

  —J.L.

  All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright

  Conventions. No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted,

  downloaded, decompiled, reverse engineered, or stored in or introduced into

  any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means,

  whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without

  the express written permission of the publisher. For information regarding

  permission, write to Scholastic Inc., Attention: Permissions Department, 557

  Broadway, New York, NY 10012.

  e-ISBN: 978-0-545-37557-3

  Text copyright © 2008 by Mike Thaler

  Illustrations copyright © 2008 by Jared D. Lee Studio, Inc.

  All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc.

  scholastic, little apple, and associated logos are trademarks and/or

  registered trademarks of Scholastic Inc.

  Lexile is a registered trademark of MetaMetrics, Inc.

  First printing, September 2008

  Contents

  Chapter 1: The Fall of Man . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6

  Chapter 2: Am I Blue? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8

  Chapter 3: Malled Again . . . . . . . . . . . . . 12

  Chapter 4: A Shoe-in . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16

  Chapter 5: Glow for It . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20

  Chapter 6: Measuring Up . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22

  Chapter 7: Pant-o-mime . . . . . . . . . . . . 24

  Chapter 8: Food for Thought . . . . . . . . . . . 28

  Chapter 9: Outfits to Be Tied . . . . . . . . . . . 32

  Chapter 10: New Room and Gloom . . . . . . . 34

  Chapter 11: A Scream Dream . . . . . . . . . . . 38

  Chapter 12: A Denture Adventure . . . . . . . . 42

  Chapter 13: Ready to Roll . . . . . . . . . . . . 46

  Chapter 14: Yearn to Learn . . . . . . . . . . 60

  CHAPTER 1

  THE FALL OF MAN

  The leaves are beginning to

  fall, and so are my spirits. I guess

  that’s why they call it the “fall.”

  Each leaf that hits the ground is a

  nail in the coffin of summer.

  6

  What can I do to extend the

  vacation? I could put a “For Sale”

  sign in front of the school. I

  could change the street signs so

  nobody can find it. I could change

  everybody’s calendar. I could

  glue all the leaves back on the

  trees—sigh. . . . I think it’ll just be

  easier to go back to school.

  7

  CHAPTER 2

  AM I BLUE?

  My fate is sealed. All the stores

  know it. They’re all having back-

  to-school sales. Hey, if they’re so

  excited about it, why don’t they

  go back to school, and let us kids

  work in the stores.

  8

  Mom says we have to go

  shopping. I know what that

  means. I go, but she picks out all

  my clothes. And we don’t have

  the same taste at all.

  10

  I’ll want the new Slime Monster

  shirt that will make everyone

  holler. And she’ll pick a baby-

  blue shirt with a tiny, “cute”

  collar. But her vote seems to rate

  higher than mine. So I will be

  blue for sure.

  11

  CHAPTER 3

  MAlLED AGAIN

  The mall is crowded. It’s full

  of mothers dragging around

  unhappy kids. It doesn’t feel like

  shopping to me—it feels more

  like chopping.

  12

  13

  Mom says I need new shirts,

  shoes, pants, and underwear.

  There’s nothing wrong with my

  underwear, and my pants have

  just gotten comfortable. It’s

  taken me a year to break them

  in. Moms don’t understand

  the concept—’cause just when

  they’re perfect, they throw them

  away.

  14

  CHAPTER 4

  A SHOE-IN

  Our first stop is the shoe store.

  It’s called The Athlete’s Toes.

  Wow, there’s a brand-new pair of

  Superstar Rainbow High Jumper

  Glow-in-the-Dark Slam Dunk

  Stratofearless Rocket-Assisted

  16

  Space Walkers—and they’re only

  $255. Mom leads me over to

  a nice, durable pair of brown,

  all-purpose dress shoes. A real

  square pair.

  17

  18

  I run back to the Superstar

  Rainbow High Jumpers and hold

  them to my chest. It doesn’t work.

  The salesman brings out a boring

  pair of brown clods and puts them

  on my feet. They don’t bounce,

  they don’t spring, they don’t light

  up, they don’t sing. Why is it that

  salesmen always stick together

  with moms? It’s a conspiracy. I

  guess they know moms have the

  money. And money speaks louder

  than tears. It’s the holler of the

  dollar, the bash of the cash, the

  honey of the money.

  19

  CHAPTER 5

  GLOW FOR IT

  Well, the rest of the shopping

  trip doesn’t go much better. I’ve

  got a nice blue shirt with a little

  collar and brand-new pants so stiff

  that I can’t bend at the knees.

  20

  I did have a minor victory,

  though. I got to choose a pair

  of fluorescent, glow-in-the-dark

  underwear. Of course, no one

  will ever see it, but I will know.

  21

  CHAPTER 6

  MEASURING UP

  Next we buy school supplies.

  Mom rejects a whoopee cushion

  and plastic vomit. But we do get

  notebooks, pencils, erasers, and

  a ruler. Whoopee! This semester

  is going to be a blast. I’ll get a

  new pencil sharpener. Maybe it’ll

  make me sharper in class.

  22

  CHAPTER 7

  PANT-O-MIME

  When we get home, Mom takes

  my old pants and goes to throw

  them out before I can hide them.

  24

  I’m trying to save them when

/>   Eric calls.

  25

  He’s back from baseball camp

  and has lots of stories. He says

  we’ll touch base later; now he

  has to go shopping with his

  mom . . . good luck!

  26

  27

  CHAPTER 8

  FOOD FOR THOUGHT

  Freddy calls. He’s home from

  chef camp. It was called “Wieners

  for Winners.” He tells me he

  learned 200 ways to cook hot

  dogs. He made: hot dog fricassee;

  soufflé of hot dog; hot dog

  Stroganoff; hot dog Parmesan;

  macaroni and hot dogs; hot dog

  tacos; hot dog pizza; and hot dogs

  Benedict.

  28

  29

  I ask him what he’s having for

  dinner tonight—he says, “hot

  dogs.” I ask him why he’s not out

  shopping with his mom. He says

  she goes shopping by herself and

  leaves him at home. Somehow

  that’s a lot more reasonable.

  31

  CHAPTER 9

  OUTFITS TO BE TIED

  Next Doris calls. She says her

  mom bought her beautiful new

  dresses. She just loves them!

  Are girls more in tune with their

  moms than we are? She says

  she got new unicorn notebooks,

  princess pencils, and pink heart

  erasers. Sometimes I think girls

  have it easier than boys.

  32

  33

  CHAPTER 10

  NEW ROOM AND GLOOM

  Next Derek calls and we put

  together a forecast for next

  semester. It looks cloudy and

  gloomy. He says there will be

  more tests, more homework,

  more headaches, and more

  34

  heartaches. The work gets harder

  and the teachers don’t get any

  softer. There are rumors about a

  new one, Miss Cranky, who’s so

  tough that the kids in her class

  have to take out insurance.

  35

  The perks are nonexistent. We

  have to eat in the same cafeteria,

  and the school hours don’t get

  any shorter. Because you’re

  older, more is expected of you.

  I’m worried because I think I’m

  operating at my max right now. I

  peaked in the second grade.

  36

  37

  CHAPTER 11

  A SCREAM DREAM

  That night I have a schoolmare.

  I’m walking down a long hall.

  I’m the only one in school. All

  of a sudden the bell rings, and a

  bunch of crazed teachers rush

  out. They grab my arms and legs

  and start pulling me into their

  classrooms. Math goes one way,

  English another. History and

  Science yet another.

  38

  I’m coming apart. I wasn’t built

  for all this stress. I miss the calm

  of kindergarten. Back then I had

  it locked with blocks.

  40

  CHAPTER 12

  A DENTURE ADVENTURE

  And to make things perfect,

  the next day Mom takes me to

  the dentist. Dr. Molar is always

  a treat. He fills my mouth up

  with cotton and odd instruments.

  Then he asks me if I’m excited

  about starting school.

  42

  After the dentist, Mom takes

  me to the doctor for my back-to-

  school shots. I wish there was a

  vaccination for fear.

  44

  CHAPTER 13

  READY TO ROLL

  I’m back in shape now from

  top to bottom. I have clean teeth,

  no major diseases, new school

  supplies, and clean clothes—they’re

  not sharp, but my pencil is.

  46

  I’ve been practicing getting up

  early and running to the bus stop.

  I’ve also been stretching. I’m a

  little worried that the girls have

  grown taller than me.

  48

  Here comes the school bus.

  The door opens and I climb

  aboard.

  50

  51

  Nobody looks any happier

  than I feel, except maybe T-Rex,

  who has a big grin on his face. I

  wonder what he did this summer.

  I hope he took driving lessons.

  Uh-oh, it’s just as I feared.

  I sit down next to Eric. “Did

  you notice the girls?”

  “Yeah, they’re taller than us.”

  53

  “So tell me about camp.”

  “Well,” he says, “I was a big hit

  at baseball camp. On the second

  day, I made a home run.”

  “You mean you hit a home run?”

  “No, I mean I got homesick and

  ran home.”

  “What did your parents do?”

  54

  “Well, they said that they

  needed a vacation and sent me

  back.”

  55

  “What did you do?”

  “I became an umpire.”

  “A vampire?”

  “No, an umpire. Then I didn’t

  have to run, exercise, or sweat.

  All I had to do was say ‘strike’ or

  ‘ball.’”

  “That sounds safe.”

  “Oh, I had to say that, too.”

  56

  57

  Just then we pull up in front

  of the school and T-Rex does a

  wheelie.

  “Any last words of wisdom?” I

  ask.

  “Well,” says Eric, scratching his

  baseball cap, “if we go on strike,

  we can have a ball.”

  58

  CHAPTER 14

  YEARN TO LEARN

  Well, we didn’t go on strike and

  we didn’t get Miss Cranky. We

  got Mrs. Green again. She was

  glad to see us, and we were glad

  to see her.

  61

  She told us all the exciting

  new things we were going to

  learn about—stars and cars and

  faraway places. We will climb the

  highest mountains and explore

  the deepest seas. We will learn

  62

  about all the animals, birds,

  bugs, and trees. We will be taller

  and smarter than ever before…

  ’cause the more you know—the

  more you grow.

  Hey, let’s get started. I need to

  catch up with the girls.

  64

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  Mike Thaler, The Back-to-School Fright from the Black Lagoon (Black Lagoon Adventures series Book 13)

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