The Class Election from the Black Lagoon (Black Lagoon Adventures series Book 3)
Get more monster-sized laughs from
The Black Lagoon
#1: The Class Trip from the Black Lagoon
#2: The Talent Show from the Black Lagoon
#3: The Class Election from the Black Lagoon
#4: The Science Fair from the Black Lagoon
#5: The Halloween Party from the Black Lagoon
#6: The Field Day from the Black Lagoon
#7: The School Carnival from the Black Lagoon
#8: Valentine’s Day from the Black Lagoon
#9: The Christmas Party from the Black Lagoon
#10: The Little League Team from the Black Lagoon
#11: The Snow Day from the Black Lagoon
#12: April Fools’ Day from the Black Lagoon
#13: Back-to-School Fright from the Black Lagoon
#14: The New Year’s Eve Sleepover from the Black Lagoon
#15: The Spring Dance from the Black Lagoon
#16: The Thanksgiving Day from the Black Lagoon
#17: The Summer Vacation from the Black Lagoon
#18: The Author Visit from the Black Lagoon
#19: St. Patrick’s Day from the Black Lagoon
#20: The School Play from the Black Lagoon
#21: The 100
th
Day of School from the Black Lagoon
#22: The Class Picture Day from the Black Lagoon
#23: Earth Day from the Black Lagoon
#24: The Summer Camp from the Black Lagoon
#25: Friday the 13
th
from the Black Lagoon
To Dennis Adler,
who makes Heaven and Mirth real
—M.T.
A salute to all the men and women
in our armed forces
—J.L.
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e-ISBN 978-0-545-37572-6
Text copyright © 2003 by Mike Thaler.
Illustrations copyright © 2003 by Jared D. Lee Studio, Inc.
All rights reserved. Published by Scholastic Inc.
SCHOLASTIC and associated logos are trademarks and/or registered
trademarks of Scholastic Inc.
First printing, September 2003
Contents
Chapter 1: Election Fever .............6
Chapter 2: Candied-dates .............9
Chapter 3: A Fast Slogan.............12
Chapter 4: Off the Wall ..............15
Chapter 5: Presidents’ Precedence ....18
Chapter 6: A Peach of a Speech .......23
Chapter 7: A Special Delivery ........27
Chapter 8: Dreams of Glory..........30
Chapter 9: The Ballot of Hubie Cool ...35
Chapter 10: A Shake-Up .............38
Chapter 11: The Great Debate ........42
Chapter 12: Doris’s Cool Move .......46
Chapter 13: Poll Position.............49
Chapter 14: Taking a Stand...........52
Chapter 15: Election Jitters...........55
Chapter 16: High Noon ..............58
Chapter 1
Election Fever
We’re having a class election.
Mrs. Green says everyone has to
run for something. I’d like to run
for the hills. Maybe I can just let
my nose run.
I don’t want to be vice
president because all they do
is give advice. And I don’t want
to be secretary. You just spend
hours keeping minutes.
And I don’t want to be
treasurer—I’m not so good at
math.
6
I guess I’ll run for president.
Maybe they’ll put my face on
Mount Rushmore or on a three-
dollar bill.
Chapter 2
Candied-dates
Mrs. Green says we’ll vote in
two weeks and that we have to
campaign and give speeches.
This is going to be a campaign
in the neck. We may even have a
debate.
Uh-oh, Doris is running against
me. She says she wants to be the
first woman president ever. That
would make me the first loser
ever.
9
Penny is going to be her
campaign manager. Eric says
that he’ll be mine because he’d
hate to see me lose to a girl.
Freddy wants to be vice
president because the vise is his
favorite tool in woodshop. Derek
wants to be secretary because it
has “s-e-c-r-e-t” in it. And Randy
is running for treasurer because
he thinks he’ll get to keep all the
money.
This is going to be a tough
election.
10
11
Chapter 3
A Fast Slogan
Eric says that we need a
campaign slogan.
“What about—Vote for me?”
I say.
“Not enough pizzazz,” says
Eric.
I scratch my head.
“What about—I’m a resident,
make me president?” I ask.
“Better,” says Eric.
“Whoa, I think I have it. What
about—Don’t be a booby, vote for
Hubie?!” I shout.
“Bingo!” cheers Eric.
12
13
“Now we need some posters.
Doris already has some up in the
hall,” Eric adds.
“What’s her slogan?” I ask.
“It’s time for a change,”
Eric smiles.
“Sounds like a diaper ad,”
I laugh.
14
Chapter 4
Off the Wall
I’m not a great artist, but I can
draw good dinosaurs. So I draw
a T-Rex on five posters and print
out my slogan.
Then Eric and I tape them up
in the hall—next to Doris’s post-
ers. Doris even has one up in
the boys’ bathroom. Now, that’s
dirty politics. Someone’s a traitor.
15
So I sneak into the girls’
bathroom and put up a poster.
Great causes take great risks. If
I get caught, it could ruin my
political career.
I can see it now. I am run-
ning for President of the United
States. I’m ahead in the polls.
16
Then the story of how I snuck
into the girls’ bath
room is leaked.
I’m all washed up in politics. My
campaign stalls. My career goes
down the drain. I’ll never be
flushed with victory.
Hey, their bathroom looks just
like ours—what’s the big deal?
17
Chapter 5
Presidents’
Precedence
I go to the library, and Mrs.
Beamster shows me a book about
past presidents. There were lots
of them and they were all famous.
The first was George Washington,
D.C. He never told a lie because
he had wooden teeth. He couldn’t
lie through his teeth. That’s why
a bridge is named after him.
18
19
20
Then there was Abraham
Lincoln. He didn’t lie, either.
Mrs. Beamster says that he
walked ten miles just to return
an overdue book. He lived in
Gettysburg because they said he
had a Gettysburg Address!
Then there was Teddy
Roosevelt. He invented the teddy
bear. I heard he belonged to
a motorcycle gang called The
Rough Riders. And they won the
San Juan Hill climb.
21
Mrs. Beamster says that all
the presidents were great men.
And if I win the election, I’d be in
good company. Yeah, but none
of them had to run against girls!
22
23
Chapter 6
A Peach of a Speech
After school, Eric and I go to
my house. It’s time to write the
speech. I’m inspired.
“My fellow students . . .” I begin.
“No good,” says Eric. “You have
to try and steal the girl vote.”
“Dear girls and boys . . .” I start
again.
“But you don’t want to lose the
boy vote,” says Eric, folding his
arms. He waits patiently.
I clear my throat and say, “Dear
voters . . .”
“Good. Now, what’s your
platform?” asks Eric.
“I don’t need a platform,”
I reply. “I’m tall enough.”
“No, no, what do you stand
for?” asks Eric.
I put my hand over my heart.
“The national anthem,” I reply.
Eric raises his arms and sighs.
24
25
“No, no, what’s your agenda?”
Eric says impatiently.
“My gender’s a boy,” I laugh.
Eric rolls his eyes.
“No, no, what will you do if you
get elected?” He huffs and puffs.
“Be surprised,” I smile.
26
Chapter 7
A Special Delivery
Well, I finally write my speech,
but then I have to give it. I stand
in front of the mirror and start,
“Dear voters . . .”
“From the heart,” says Eric.
“Deeeeer voters . . .” I sing.
“Good,” smiles Eric. And he
pats me on the back.
27
I puff out my chest, fold my
arms, and cross my eyebrows.
“Deeeeer voters, I stand
before you today, so I’ll be tall
enough. Tall enough to reach
the high office of president—a
president of the people, by the
people, and for the people. A
28
president that will stand by you,
sit by you, and walk by you—in
the cafeteria, in the classroom, in
the bathroom, on the playground,
I’ll be there. So next week—don’t
be a booby, vote for Hubie.”
Eric gives me a standing
ovation.
29
Chapter 8
Dreams of Glory
I’m beginning to like this. What
if I win?
What if I go on to become
President of the United States?
I would go and live in the White
House. Maybe I’ll paint it green.
Then it would be the Green
House, and I could grow orchids.
Then I’d have an orchid-stra.
30
31
I could do a lot of good for
everybody. I would end glob-
al warming, war, and hunger. I
would put a pizza place in every
town and village. I would make
recess longer and math class
shorter.
32
I would outlaw spinach and ban
brussels sprouts. I would make
the U.S. Mint—-the U.S. Mint-
chocolate chip. I would make the
weekend six days, and the sum-
mer ten months. I would change
the eagle to a beagle and make my
dog the national symbol.
33
I would be famous. I’d have
my own limousine, airplane, and
skateboard. They would name
things after me—Hubie Airport,
Lake Hubie, and Hubieville.
I would go down in history . . .
if I win.
34
Chapter 9
The Ballot of Hubie
Cool
But what if I lose? To a girl? To
Doris? What a bummer!
I can see it now . . .
None of my friends would ever
talk to me again.
No one would sit at my lunch
table. I’d eat alone for the rest of
my life. I couldn’t ask anyone to
pass the ketchup.
35
I wouldn’t be popular—I’d be
poop-ular.
I’d be kicked off the baseball
team and have to turn in my little
league cap. I would have let down
every boy in school and unborn
generations of boys. I couldn’t
join the Boy Scouts.
I’d better start campaigning . .
. now!
36
37
Chapter 10
A Shake-Up
“Now you have to go out, kiss
babies, and shake hands,” says
Eric.
“Babies can’t vote! There aren’t
even any in school,” I answer.
“True, but there are lots of
hands,” smiles Eric.
38
Okay, so I go around and shake
everybody’s hand. I feel silly.
I shake Mrs. Green’s claw
and Coach Kong’s paw. I shake,
rattle, and roll.
39
I even shake hands with Fester
Smudge. This can’t be very sani-
tary.
40
Then I go and have a milk
shake.
41
Chapter 11
The Great Debate
Well, Doris and I are in front
of the whole class. I feel like I’m
under a microscope. I should
have combed my hair more, but
Doris has a pimple on the end of
her nose.
42
We shake hands and she goes
first. She says that she
’s for
women’s rights and total
equality. I ask her why she gets
to go first.
“Because I’m a girl, of course,”
she sneers.
“Oh,” I reply.
43
Then it’s my turn. “Knock,
knock!”
“Who’s there?” says everyone.
“Debate,” I answer.
“Debate who?!” shouts the
class.
“Put debate on the hook and
we’ll go fishing!” I laugh.
“That’s not funny,” says Doris,
poking me in the back.
44
“Is too,” says I, poking her
back.
“Is not,” says Doris, stamping
her foot.
“Is,” I say, stamping mine.
“Not,” says Doris, crossing her
eyes.
“Is,” says I, crossing mine.
We go on until the lunch bell
rings and ends our debate.
Chapter 12
Doris’s Cool Move
Unfair, unfair!
Doris says she’s the candidate
of the Birthday Party. She’s buying
ice cream bars for all the voters
at lunch.
46
Everyone’s lining up in drool-
ing droves. My whole class. My
best friends. Even Eric, my
manager!
I’m betrayed in the caf-
eteria. I feel like that ancient
Roman Emperor Julius Caesar
Salad. Jabbed in the back with
a dessert spoon. I feel desserted.
This is sweet-tooth politics.
Underhanded. Underfooted. Un-
derrated!
How can she stoop so low?
I better hurry before all the
chocolate’s gone!
48
Chapter 13